Who Do You Turn to?

"When Life Leaves you High and Dry," Who will be at your door that night?

Who do you turn to? When you are miles away from your Bestest Friend Ever? When your schedule conflicts with her schedule and your classes are at different times? Who do you turn to when you need someone in person? When don't want anyone to know?? When you want to keep it in yet, you were taught to let it out?

Do you turn to your roommates? Your Hall Mates? Your RA? Your new friends that you only met 4 weeks ago?  Where do you run to when you don't know the area? When your get away space is just to far away to run to? When you can't run to your bestest friends house and wait for her to get home from work so you can talk it out over yogurt.
Who do you Turn to?

Who do you talk to when the person who you have told everything to over the past four years is over 3.5 hours away? When you have built up so much trust and honestly with her? When you know she has helped you through the hellish times of high school. When she gives you the tough love just because she really knows what is best for you.
Who do you turn to?

Who do you talk to when you have no idea what you are feeling? When you are supper happy and friendly on the outside, but you have no idea how you feel on the inside? Even when others ask you what is wrong you have no idea? You don't know how you feel. You don't know if what you feel is what you should feel. When you don't know if what your saying is actually true,but you say it anyways because you have been thinking it, but you really don't think it's an issue? When you feel like in some strange crazy ass way your body just making you feel weird because it wants attention, however you don't really want the attention that comes along with what you are feeling.
Who do you turn to?

When you feel that something is wrong. When you haven't been upset for months, years even then all the sudden you have no idea how you feel. That you don't even know why you act the way you act.

What do you do? Who do you do to?



*************I am perfectly fine. I feel very well, I am happy and I love Becker College.. I love my new friends and I love everything here! My life is great!! I just had a friend experience something like this....she is all good now tho!!!

It's Amazing...

 It's amazing how quickly you can become best friends with one person. It's amazing how fast you can drift away from others. It's amazing how much you can change in a short amount of time.
  When I went to Thailand I quickly  became super close to everyone in the Vet group. We were instant best friends, and Instantly telling each other every detail. It was great. I became just as close if not closer to my Thailand friends as I was to my friends in high school It was great. They were there for me and I will always be here for them, no matter where in the world they may be.

  On the flip side it's crazy how quickly you can loose a relationship that has taken years to build. In the past two weeks I've experienced this in two different ways. The first is that in which I learned that you can't always be sure of your friendships. I learned this when someone I got to know really well in a short period of time, away from our current setting, was a jerk to me. When we first met we became supper close in 2 weeks and I thought the bond would extend into our current situation, regardless of what other people thought about her, however it hasn't. In fact, we have drifted away dramatically. After an offensive text was sent to me from her I gave up trying to go out of my way for her, and trying to bring us back to that closeness. I learned that I just wasn't able to trust her as mush as I thought.
  The second thing I learned in the the past week is that you can take years building up a relationship with someone, and then your relationship will be tested and you will sink, or you will float, It's up to both of you to tread through the tough moments, to understand that you both have changed and things will be different now. Sometime the change will break you and your friend, sometimes the change will make you grow closer. In my case we grew away. It sucks but I guess It's kinda my fault as well.

   Also in the past week I have truly learned who some of my good friends at Becker will be. I know for sure that Marissa will always be there for me. I mean she came to Lane at 1:00 am to cheer me up. Who could ask for a better friend? I feel so grateful to have met her. I know I'll always have Tori  as well. I know I can trust her with my life and I hope she knows she can trust me with hers.  Eric is a great guy, one of the few who truly keep their word. I also learned today that as long as I'm not a b*tch to Mike he will always be here for me if I need him. He is one of the nicest guys I have ever met on my own in a really long time. He is such a gentleman. Just when I starte seeing that the real goal of most of the guys here is sex, I meet one or two who actual know how to be normal and care about a person. So I'm really glad him and I were able to work together today to get to Saint Vincent Hospital to be with Cierra. To be here for Cierra. I have never felt so sick over one being sick, but I really felt it when Cierra got sick. Maybe it's because I know how scary being sick away from home is or maybe it's because I know how much pain she is. Whatever the reason I couldn't sleep last night knowing how much pain Cierra was in, that her family wasn't there and how much her situation really sucks. I feel horrible for her and I just want her to know that I'm here for her. Even if the only thing she wants from me is to bring her chicken fingers and french fries and to hold her hand through the pain.  I'm really happy to be here for her. She is a great person and such a sweetie that Who wouldn't wanna be here for her? I can't wait until she is feeling better, and I hope puppy sitting for me next Saturday will cheer her up a bit.

Well, for now I  must go. I need to walk around and a bit.

Day 7: A Day of Many First- FINALLY DONE

Today was the best and the worst so far. It will be a day that I will NEVER forget. It is the day that I changed my perspective on life. It is the day that I learned the most important lesson so far. The day that I learned how true my new friends are and the amazing bond that we will share and have forever.

So, I'm guessing you'd like to hear about today. Truth is, I accidentally deleted this post when I first wrote it.  But fear not, I remember most of this life changing day. I don't remember a good chunk of it, but I've been filled in on it, and now I'll fill you in. (WARNING THIS IS A LONG POST)

It started like this:
 I woke up in the morning, not feeling like Pdiddy, I felt like my cold was getting worse. And to tell you the truth, I have no idea what PDiddy feels like in the morning. My throat was sore, I had a slight headache and not apatite. BUT unlike when I have a cold in the US and mope around, my spirits were higher than ever. Okay maybe not the highest because I was still super depressed about Winn Dixie. But I didn't let that interfere to much, because I WAS GOING TO PLAY WITH TIGERS.

Yes, I just said tigers. I Brigette Hillman was going to play with tiger cubs! To tell you the truth it wasn't as cool as it sounds......  IT WAS A BILLION times more amazing than it sounds!

When I got up in the morning I was sweaty gross so I jumped in the shower for a cold rinse off and got dressed. I went back upstairs to take my allergy and asthma medicines. I usually don't take my inhalers every day, but I felt that it is better to be safe then sorry when I'm days away from home! After I headed back down with my buds to eat breakfast. I wasn't hungry, at all! I debated not eating at all, but I knew I needed something in the heat, so I forced a yogurt and tried a juice. I have to admit the juice wasn't terrible, it was much better than the coke I had the night before.

I couldn't wait to get on the truck and head out to the Tiger Kingdom. I grabbed my bag, and doubled check to make sure I brought bendryl, my epi, and inhaler ad headed out. (Unlike every other day I never checked to make sure I grabbed a water, regardless of the fact that I was told over and over again to make sure I had water. It wasn't because I didn't want to bring water, It was because I was just to excited to remember That I had never grabbed one at breakfast.) I was actually one of the first on the truck.

  Once reaching the Tiger Kingdom I saw people in with tigers. I filled out and signed my wavier and the next thing I knew we were heading back to the babies. They were absolutely adorable! I didn't care how tight the heat hugged me, I ignored it's hug and pushed through to play with those baby tigers.

The first tigers that we got to play with were about 3-4 months old. I stayed back a bit and let the other girls go first and I took my turn last. Don't get me wrong I still cuddled and pet and played with those kitties but I took my pictures with the babies last. It turned out to be the right choice. because as I was petting and playing with one I was handed a bottle to feed the little guy. YES it's a first, I BOTTLE FED A TIGER!

After the smallest tigers, we headed to the small tigers. I believe those were about 5 months to 12 months old. But they were not small. Not small at all, maybe for a giant they were small, but they were enormous to me! They were super cool  tho. One or two of them were not in the mood to have visitors, so we were told to stay way. Oh my gosh this one that we got to cuddle with first was adorable! he rolled over for a belly rub!!! How adorable, and trusting? He then got up and went in his little tiger pool. The handler splashed him a tad, and we played with him a bit. Eventually he had to pee. And just like any young-ling has, and will do, he peed in the pool. While I was taking a picture with him no less. But his adorableness made up for it!!! How many people here can say they have picture with a peeing Tiger?

After the small tigers we were off to the medium tigers. While waiting to go in their habitat, we had a water break. That was when I first realized that I didn't have a water. I didn't want to speak up because I knew both Hannah and Jane were reminding us all morning to bring a water. I also realized that I lied to Jane when she asked me if I had water. (I really didn't mean to lie, I really wasn't thinking and thought I had brought one from breakfast like I had had been doing all week) So I asked Texas for a few sips of her water.  After all I knew I was sweating and I should replace some of my lost water. I knew that in the heat, the last thing I needed was to not drink any water at all. I knew that I should be drinking even though I had't brought a water, and that Is why I had some of Texas' water. While waiting Kat also gave Hannnah a back massage.

After what seemed like forever we went in with the medium tigers. I believe they were between 16 months and a year.I thought they were fully grown. They were enormous! I couldn't believe that they were not fully grown. It was crazy! I never thought they could get any bigger than the small sized ones. But every time I blinked there would be a larger tiger! It was crazy!! These guys were super mellow, they just slept.

After the tigers every one but Jite wanted to do the Zorbe balls, or the hamster balls on the water in front of the kingdom.  I mean for $3 who wouldn't! Oh my gosh they were so cool! Getting in them I have to admit I was scared that it would have a small hole and would fill up with water and I would die. But as soon as Texas knocked into me I lost that thought. I was never able to get the walking down, but I managed the standing. running, flipping, rolling, and handstands. I even managed to make the fish splash Jite, Jane, and Hannah

Chaing Mai Ram

After coming out of the zorbe balls I was hot. So super hot that I just became so tired and dizzy. I was sweating more than I ever had in my entire life and it wouldn't stop. It almost felt like someone was just pouring water on me My body had become extremely tired and my muscles hurt. I contributed all of this to my workout in a ball with absolutely no circulation. The guys blowing up the zorbe balls blew me off with the ball inflate to cool me ff before I headed over to Hannah and them. After a few minutesi headed to go over to them. I knew if they saw me like that they would tell me to drink, and I didn't want them to know I didn't have water. SO when I finally went over to them, I had some of Maddi's water.

After Kat and Hailey finished, we headed back to the truck and were on our way to a beautiful lunch.

"We had lunch at an orchid farm around 1pm. I had two glasses of water, rice, watermelon, pineapple, and french fries. Then, we drove about an hour to Chiang Dao to visit a cave there. While on the way I took my inhaler. We walked around and took pictures of the temples, (beautiful temples) and then entered the cave. The whole cave is fairly easy walking, lighted by lanterns, and takes about one hour. (Honestly apprt from the animals, I think the caves were my favorite part!) At 4:07, youtook you inhaler and said you was feeling fine and wanted to keep going. Soon after, you told us she felt dizzy(I remember being told that "you look a little green", and my response was "That's because I feel a little green"), and we walked to the exit and were out in a few minutes. Once out, you sat down, and then said you lungs were feeling a little weird. You were conscious and could still open your eyes and talk, but was hot and was having trouble sitting up. We decided to take her to Chiang Dao hospital, which was about a 10 minute drive. Hannah and I carried you to the car and we drove there.

This was were I was put while on fluids, there were no open rooms.

 

Once there, i was groggy and weak, but still able to respond to questions and open your eyes. She stayed able to understand us and communicate with us throughout the whole day at one point using your finger to spell out medications. Eventually the doctors checked your blood sugar, heart rate, oxygen levels, and everything was within normal range. They did put your on oxygen. They had limited facilities and thought everything was stable but weren't doing much more, so we got an ambulance to bring you to Chiang Mai Ram hospital, which is in Chiang Mai and within walking distance of the hostel where we're staying. It was approximately a 1-hour ambulance ride, during which they kept her on oxygen. Which you kept trying to rip out.

the ambulance

At this point, you were only talking a few words at a time and having trouble opening your eyes, although you could understand what we were saying and communicating with nodding. Although all your vitals were still fine, fluids were started immediately. They also did a chest xray and some blood work to check for anything abnormal going on. Throughout all this, your heart and lungs, blood pressure, blood sugar, and oxygen levels remained normal. After about 30 minutes on fluids, you started to talk more easily and in full sentences, and started to keep you eyes open longer. Jane then went back to the hospital (while Hannah and Addam were with me) and we stayed with you and kept you on fluids until you could drink, eat, and walk without feeling dizzy. You were nauseous from the fluids and had a headache, but came home and were able to get to sleep (Hannah and I slept with you downstairs on beds on the floor (so that we'd be near the bathroom if needed)." (mixture from everyone)

Resting up while everyone is at the Market

"Sunday: She's been eating and drinking today, but is very tired. She was clearly dehydrated, but we don't know what else contributed. The weather has been very hot and humid and the caves are in the mountains, so all those things could have contributed to her asthma. I'm planning to keep her drinking, eating, and sleeping today,She's getting lots of love and attention from everyone, and seems to be in good spirits.-Jane"

I sure did get a lot of LOVE!!