Admitting When You Are Done Can Be tough

I hate admitting this but these past two weeks have sucked! They have sucked, a lot. I have felt so down, guilty, lost, kicked these past two weeks and I finally am ready to admit it.

miss my baby

UGH I MISS HER TOO MUCH

I hate when people feel bad for me. I like to let people know what's going on with me. I am just open like that. I don't tell people because I want their sympathy, or their help or pitty. I tell people because 1. It helps me cope with whatever is going on, and 2 because I find medical things interesting. I tell people because I'm always curious of what is wrong with people, that they may be interested in what is going on with me. I haven't been telling my professors about my arm because I want to get out of work, I tell them if they have to read my hand writing, because I physically can not write (or type) with my right hand and my left handed hand writing is close to that of a preschooler.

The two things I could really use hugs from

 I have felt so guilty the last two weeks for being all self absorbed in my life. I feel horrible that so many people feel bad for me.  I think it is  weird when people feel bad for me. I don't know what to do or how to act. Don' get me wrong, I love when people ask, I just feel guilty when they feel bad for me. I'm not so sure why this happens. It could be because my whole life I have always felt bad for someone else, so I don't like when the tables are turned, it  feels wrong.  

T

missing her  so much!! i hate being so far away

 In addition to feeling guilty I have felt extremely frustrated. With simple tasks, school work, and the doctor and physical therapist.  Unlike the doctor refuses  to believe, I have been using and moving my hand and wrist, just in a modified way which they said was fine. I practice my exercises constantly while I'm walking to class, sitting in class, or eating lunch. I really am trying. I may be trying to hard because sometimes it hurts, and other times I'll go to bed with a high pain level from moving it all day.  I really have been trying and I have been making progress.

I'm not really to sure how to explain everything else, So I'm leaving it at this....

You Will notice ME!!

"I will prove you wrong, if you think I'm all talk, you're in for a shock, 'cause this  dream's too strong and before too long..." ("I was here" Lady Antebellum)

This song has been on my mind a lot these past 2 weeks. 2 weeks ago I was home  and practicing my handstands in my basement. I was also practicing my handstand push-ups, when all the sudden I lost my balance.
 Now you see, when you loose  balance in a handstand you should usually tuck and roll forwards. Well, when you are against the wall this is nearly impossible. So what I did was lift my right hand up and for some reason put it back down with my palm up and fingers facing me. Well, this was stupid because I then rolled my wrist and fell to the right. I heard a snap, a crackle and felt a pop. (**snap crackle pop..rice crisppies*)  I wasn't in any pain so I shook it off, literately, and did another handstand.  My right wrist gave out and I fell on it again and my head bashed into the wall and that is  when I felt the pain.  This all Happened on Sunday.

right after it happened

I went to see my FAVORITE doctor on Monday. Instead of just stopping by to say hi like I was planning, I stopped by for Dr. Heather Varley to check out my hardly-swollen wrist. She took x-rays and determined that it was a sprain.  She splinted it and sent me on my way. After I left teary eyed because: 1. I was in pain and 2. I really was gonna miss Dr. Heather. As she is my favorite and my only Doctor that allows me to call her by her first name.

3 days after it happened

The next day I went back, with my splinted, and a little bit more swollen hand, to school. As the Week progressed my hand became more swollen and bruised. I made an appointment for Tuesday to see the school doctor.  (that was 5 days from Tuesday)  During the weekend my arm became extremely painful and kept me up most of the night.

On Monday I got out of lab early and went to go see Tori. 1. Because I missed her and 2. Because I needed her help to put my hair up. She saw my arm and got super scared. After work she forced me to go to the E.R. I really didn't want to go but at the same time I was happy to finally and hopefully be getting out of pain and to be getting answers.

pealing an apple with one hand

I walked into the ER and I was being seen and given pain meds with in minutes. I had a billion doctors. They all seemed so scared and worried. I really didn't understand why. My hand also became famous, everyone was taking pictures of it. One doctor who got super concerned is now my second favorite doctor in the world, Dr. Michelle.  She was with me a lot and checked on me a lot. I really like her. I hope I get to see her again soon!!! Shes amazing!!! I wish I knew her last name.

Anyways, I got a ton of X-rays and was kept overnight in case it was infected. I was sent home early in the morning. I then went to see a different hand doctor 2xs after I was released.  They finally came to the conclusion that I have a 3rd degree sprain. I was finally taken out of my splints. I have been working on my hand movements a lot this weekend. I have gained almost all movement in my pinky back. I can move my wrist more, and I can sorta bend my fingers now!! I still don't have knuckles, but the doctor doesn't seem to concerned about it, so I'm not ether. She also isn't worried about my busing, so I'm not either.

But yea, Back to "I was Here"
 The phase "I will prove you wrong" has been my come back when people offer me help because they think I can't do something. Like zippering my jacket. I mean I love helpful everyone has been. Especially those times when I get SO frustrated, which has been becoming more frequent!!!

I can't thank Tori and Marissa Enough for everything they have done for me and for taking care off and babysitting me!!!  I hope you know I really mean I'm sorry for being such a cranky, whinny, buttface turnnugget.  And thanks to Casey, for picking me up from the doctors and Travis for taking me and waiting at CVS.  Ashley for Visiting me and helping me. And thanks to Eric for all your help, letting me squeeze your hand, and listing to whinny me, oh and texting me late at night when I was suppose to be sleeping!!!! thanks to EVERYONE in Lane Hall! We are more than hall mates, we are Family!! and lastly thanks to anyone else who has helped me over the last 2 weeks. I love ya'll!!

my hand last night

It's Official....

i'm going to Haiti!

On Freshman move in day I learned that each year at Becker takes 10 students to Haiti to volunteer at the Be Like Brit orphanage. I have wanted to go on this trip since learning about it. Since the earthquake in 2010 it has been a goal of mine to volunteer at an orphanage in Haiti, and now, that goal is going to be met! I'm so excited!!

I am excited to learn about the Haiti culture as well as help with what needs to be done around the orphanage! I'm super excited!

Above is a video made by BeLikeBrit!

The cost of my trip will be $1,000. This includes everything. This amount also includes a small donation. I will be fundraising for my trip along with the other 9 members of the club who will be going on the trip as well. However I would Like to raise enough to give an additional donation the the orphanage!!! I plan on holding some sort of fundraiser around home sometime soon! Until then, I am trying to spread the word that I am working on raising money for my service trip to Haiti. If you would like to donate now you can do so HERE!

I will keep you updated on this journey as well as my fundraising efforts!!

WOW!

I Can't believe it, in 65 days I will be headed to Newark Liberty Airport for the fourth time this year! Since when did I become such a frequent flier at EWR???

My first trip started when I was invited to travel to Disney world in December with a group of friends from my rescue. I know, It's only Disney world, so I didn't Really travel to far. However, if I knew then just how much I would be flying in the next year I would have definitely  started my United miles membership then.  Anyways during that trip there was absolutely NO way I even wanted to get on a plane in the first place. Now, after that statement who would think that I was going to travel half way around the would just 7 months later?

During my second trip I traveled with my parents and Elizabeth, my older sister, again to Florida. But this time is was to see my younger sister, Laura march in the Disney Parade. We also went to universal and sea world. It was a busier trip than the one I had taken just three months prior.

Then just about four months later (to the day), I found my self back again, at Newark Liberty Airport for the Biggest trip of my life so far. My trip to Thailand that is. It was the first time leaving the country. Thankfully it wasn't the first time traveling without my family, however it was the first time flying with absolutely nobody that I knew.  Prior to this trip, the longest I remember being on a plan before are the 2 hour flights to Florida.  I was scared, but excited. I had sorta gotten over my fear of flying, but I was scared to death to fly over a body of water for a long period of time. I did fine though. I survived. I may or may not have cried a bit during all the turbulence, but I'm over it now.

I'm over it and now, I look forwards to flying- that is as long as I'm not feeling sick.  I NEVER want to fly sick, EVER again. It was the worst experience (that I remember) ever! But now that I am healthy I am ready to RUN back through Newark Liberty Airport and hop on the plane to Sydney! I don't mind the long flights anymore. They don't phase me.

The Good news is I will now OFFICIALLY be RUNNING (okay, let's hope I don't have to run) through Newark Liberty Airport again, for the fourth time in a year, on December 12th!! My best Friend's Birthday!!

I Can Not Wait To BE Back!!!

(P.S. Stacey, I promise the next time that I fly on your birthday I will try to make sure that you, my friend, are with me! So, start planing! I was thinking maybe Ireland!)

4 Days!!

It's Official I'll be going home next weekend. (Carly I'm really hoping you don't read this post until after  I surprise you)

So, yes I am going back to Jersey next weekend, although I'm SO excited to see everyone, Molly, and eat real Italian food, I really do not wanna go home. I don't want to miss anything at school.

Although Tori and Marissa pretty much aren't here on the weekends, I'm still gonna miss them so much! And I'm gonna miss Ashley-my Stunday buddy. And I'm really really really gonna miss my hall mates! SO MUCH!! I spend every weekend, all weekend with them.

 I'm gonna miss everything that they are doing, and all the Lane Hall laziness and Craziness that happens on the weekends- Like playing street soccer and our lazy Saturdays spent doing homework and eating.

More so I don't wanna go home because I don't wanna miss out on Paint balling!!

BUT I've finally come to turns with it. The main reason that I am coming home is to get my allergy shots because the stupid Health and Wellness center is closed on Tuesday-the only day they will give me my shots.

What I am looking forwards to this weekend is:
-Seeing STACEY!! I'm extremely excited to see Stacey. I pretty much plan on spending my Whole weekend with her!!! We have big plans!! Red Mango, Starbucks, Pizza, Dinner! I miss  new jersey food!! Especially the Italian food!!

-I'm excited to babysit Clair!!! I miss her I miss working at the preschool!!

-I plan on stopping by adoptions! I can't wait to cuddle with puppies!! SO excited!! I can't tell you how excited I am to cuddle puppies!!

-I plan on meeting Baby Nina as long as baby Nina is ready to meet the world!! Let's hope she is!!

- I plan on off leash Molly a bit this weekend!!

- I plan on visiting my birthday Buddy who may or may not have appendicitis right now. I miss her so much!!

As you can see I plan on doing a lot this weekend!! So in that case I plan on doing a LOT of Homework this week,

College Life=Busy Life

WOW! I can't believe how busy I've been the last few weeks! It's crazy!! Every time I even think about blogging I realize I should be writing some sort of paper instead.
 This past week I actually spent more time in Lane Hall (my Hall) than knight hall. I had a research paper to write so I decided to stay in Lane to write it so that I could focus better. I really did miss everyone in Knight this past week. I spent about an hour or two with them today before they left for lessons and a date.
  So I've basically been super busy that I have no idea what to even write about right now.

I can't believe it's a Friday night and I am the only on ein my room, I've been up her for about 4 1/2 hours now, relaxing, catching up on Grey's and doing a bit of homework. It's only 10:30... Whaat a life I  have right???

Any ways here are a few pictures from the last couple weeks!!!! :)